💚 SQUIRTLE (no meat)™ – THE TURTLE SHELL YOU VANISH INTO WHEN LIFE IS TOO MUCH™
emotionally unavailable? overstimulated? simply ✨done™✨??
introducing: a wearable plush shell that lets you go full ✨bye✨
🐢 [CLOAK OF INVISIBILITY... BUT CUDDLY]
shove your limbs inside. disappear.
you’re not ghosting people—you’re just a turtle now.
life can’t hurt you if you’re squishy and round 😌💚
🧸 [STUFFED WITH CLOUDS + UNPROCESSED EMOTIONS]
premium pp cotton = high-squish density
lightweight. fluffy. possibly sentient.
absorbs existential dread like a sponge in a therapy session.
🛋️ [MULTIFUNCTIONAL TURTLE TECH™]
nap cocoon? ✅
Netflix bunker? ✅
corporate escape pod? ✅
it’s a pillow. a shell. a sanctuary. a lifestyle.
🎁 [GIFT THE DISAPPEARANCE™]
give this to your fave introvert, your burnout bestie, or your ✨emotionally spiraling self✨
for birthdays, heartbreaks, or midweek mental resets
nothing says “I love you” like 3ft of retractable solitude 🐢🫶
🌞 [PRESSED? PUFFED.]
it shows up squished like your will to live—but don’t worry, bestie.
a little sunshine, a lil time, and BOOM: fully puffed emotional support shell.
⚠️ DISCLAIMERS FROM THE VOID:
– measurement may be off by a few cm (math is fake anyway)
– yes it has a tail. yes you will love it. no you can't go back once you're in.
🛒 grab a Squirtle (without the meat)™ today.
become the cozy turtle you were always meant to be.
now drop the next plush chaos 😤🐢
